A long term dissertation surrounding the procedure and recommended actions to proper disposal of beverage, as told to me by a south eastern man from Laos with pockets full of marbles. When removing aforementioned beverage from the fridge, grasp with full grip akin to holding the throat of an axe. Simply using multiple fingers to remove beverage from its natural resting place is not only disrespectful to the object but disingenuous as to your purpose for the removal in the first place: send a clear message of intended aluminum doom and proceed with your process.
Once you have secured the beverage from upon its laurels, do not spare moments to glance in direction of the vessel as you have already selected it, there is no need. Begin to launch back the opening mechanism with a violent, but not aggressive rocking motion, paying particular importance to the audio component of this process. An audible show of appreciation for a crisp opening procedure is acceptable on days when the temperature is reaching towards the adolescent 70 degrees on the Fahrenheit scale, otherwise please keep your feelings to yourself.
Having opened a worm hole between neighboring galaxies of refreshment and cold metal immediately move forward towards finalizing the fucking deal with the steadfast knowledge that you have made both your nation and your mortal soul proud.
6.1- ounce heavyweight long sleeve t-shirt, ribbed collar with set-in sleeves and shoulder to shoulder taping. Double-needle stitching throughout: Basically it's a shirt.